I seriously did not know how you could be in love with a tiny person so very much. I want to cry every time I look at him. I'm not promising I will write a blog like this every single month because I honestly don't know I will be able to keep up haha! But for now, I desperately want to remember all these early days. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the tough days! I will forever be thankful for this miracle.
Week 1: We were in the hospital for 48 hours and then went home in the evening. The drive home was so very strange. Knowing that the last time we were in the car was us driving to the hospital in labor not having a clue what the whole process would look like but very aware that next time in the car we would be leaving with our own baby. So surreal. So much from my pregnancy and delivery feels that way, almost like it was a dream. I am sure a lot of that is because of postpartum emotions but I am also naturally a very sentimental and emotional person so this whole adjustment has been filled with many, many tears! I fought back tears the whole short wheelchair ride to the entrance of the hospital. Holding the baby we prayed about and longed for. He was wearing the outfit we had picked out for him weeks before this day not even able to imagine what this day would feel like. It was amazing but so emotional. I felt so weird about leaving hospital after being there with all the extra help and support from the staff. I have been a nanny for years and looked after a range of ages, including newborns but this was SO different. All of a sudden I didn't have a clue. I think that's probably how all new Mums feel. Not knowing the hungry cues yet, when will he sleep, how will I know if he needs anything. Our nurses and midwife had been so much help that I wished I could have taken them all home with me. Pete pulled the car round to the entrance and off we went home. I sat in the back just staring at Finley's little face. So much world for him to experience... so many learning curves for Pete and I to experience with him. So cool but so scary.
Pete commented a lot how nervous he felt driving... all of a sudden the roads seemed they were packed with crazy bad drivers!
The first night was interesting. He slept pretty good in between feeding and we went to bed super early like him which worked well as it allowed us both to sleep when he slept. The first week and a half, Pete would get up the first half of the night and I get up the second half with him- our day usually properly started around 7am or so but recently his day begins anytime between 5am and 6am ha! But I honestly don't mind it. I love my one on one snuggle time with him as I drink my tea and have breakfast. This also allows 'Daddy' to rest after the awake time the first half of the night. We are usually in bed between 7 & 8pm at night though- but it's been working for us and allows us enough sleep to survive the next day! Having Peter home has been amazing, he's been so helpful and with all the crazy virus stuff happening, it's been a blessing.
He is definitely beginning to notice more things now. He smiles a lot.... which I am pretty sure is gas BUT still the best thing. We LOVE his wee smile. He enjoys staring out of windows, weird shadows on the wall or ceiling and especially likes to move around. Postpartum has been a lot harder than I ever imagined. My emotions are still pretty much everywhere and all my anxiety has been heightened by the virus and the isolation we are having to do. Definitely better than I was a week ago and I am now able to do slightly longer walks which I am loving, especially because it's all I can do right now with not being able to go anywhere or see people. We are adjusting and thankful for each other and our health right now and remembering that God is in control even when we don't feel it.
We love him so much and can't imagine him not being here. He absolutely was worth the wait and I can't wait to see what next month looks like with him. I am ending this blog with some pictures we took of him this morning for his 1 month picture! :)