I learned to seek God in a very new and fresh way, trying to understand what 'the call of God' looks like in my life personally by praying, reading the word and seeking advice from others. This whole move from our wonderful little town in upstate ny to this big, bustling city of raleigh has been one of the hardest adjustments (as you all hear me talk about daily) haha! Peter and I have grown so much. Our marriage has reached new levels that would never have happened without this move, forcing us to turn to Jesus in hard times together. We searched for a church where we felt God was very present, a people who wanted community and wanted to be Jesus to others, a Pastor who followed God's calling and preached the word soundly, regardless of the current culture. We finally found that. We connected with our Pastor and family so well! They truly were one of the biggest blessings we received here in NC! They became our first true friends and it was the friendship we needed at this time in our lives.
Unfortunately the church was going through some big changes and our wonderful Pastor would no longer be there. This was a HUGE hurt for us. So again we find ourselves searching for the church God wants us to be a part of. We are so very thankful for the Pastor and his family's impact on us and continue to cherish their friendship.
Friendship wise for us both, it's been real hard- I won't lie! We have reached out until our arms hurt... we have met a few amazing people that have helped our adjustment but it's so hard to get those connections when you are new in such a big, busy place.
My photography business has been very hard to maintain and I went almost a full year with no business whatsoever which has been one of my biggest personal struggles. It made me feel inadequate, untalented and dry... I got to a point where I felt I had nothing more to give. I finally began booking weddings for 2017 in June which was a huge boost! Still praying and hoping to have a full year next year- but we will see- leaving that in God's hands.
Since the beginning of the year I have really been considering going back to school for a completely different career (after never even finishing my associates). I only recently brought up the idea and thoughts to family. I had been keeping everything quiet for quite a while, mainly because I felt i needed to. I felt I needed to hide what I feel may be a new calling to what may become a new passion from those who knew me as 'the creative, the photographer, the girl who did things differently'. We like to come up with little badges for ourselves to wear don't we? As if not finishing school was a badge to be ashamed of, as if the fear of something you don't understand was a badge you had to feel ashamed of etc. I spent a lot of my life feeling called to be a photographer and mother. Those have always been two big passions of mine, two passions that I am actually really successful at- children and photography. My dream was always to be my own boss and be a Mama someday... This may still be true but lately my mind has been so focused on everything else. I long to someday be a Mama but on top of that lately I have felt such a tug toward another career. A career that I would never have thought.
Anyone who changed careers in their twenties or had a full time job and changed to being home with their child all day will understand... I think! It's so hard to just change the way things are...even harder when it might be God's calling that does not yet make sense.
It's been such a challenging journey, a terrifying one. To possibly not be doing what everyone (and myself) assumed I would be doing for the rest of my life and pursue something that right now i have zero qualifications for is SCARY!!! I have never struggled with self doubt like what I am facing now. But I keep feeling this 'tug' in a new direction. Its exciting but also scary.
All of this blog post just to share with you all that has been happening and what you can be praying about for us as we face these new hurdles and decisions while still settling in.
Pray that we would have clarity... hear only God even when others voices and our own insecurities feel overwhelming and impossible to get past... pray that if God is leading us this way, we will submit to him and follow what he is calling us into! We only want to follow his calling.
Bethany joy xo