I have been sitting here for about an hour trying to crochet my first hat. if you know me at all you know i don’t stick with 1 thing. I am a flip flop! I have my ‘soothe the soul’ playlist playing (featuring Bastille, Mumford & Sons & a fave right now ‘All I Want-Kodaline’ and i begin to feel my eyes watering up as i crochet.. or at least make an ugly attempt at it. Frustrated at myself for not being able to follow a simple youtube video, frustrated that I can’t stick to anything i try, feeling as if i have failed myself for not being able to be ‘good’ in school. Now my little happy crochet party (with myself) becomes a pity party (alone). I decided I was done with crocheting for the night…
All the frustration made me just stop and look up to my ceiling for a few minutes, i listen to the lyrics of a song again and again
“And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon” and then starts the sobbing. I miss her. I miss her so much. If you follow my blog you will have ready a while ago that my husband's Mom passed away a couple years ago! She had been fighting cancer for months and was doing so well, staying so strong. I was living with the family at the time of it all and i remember seeing her EVERY day. So positive even though life was negative, so brave when every other person was so weak… SHE was the brave one!So beautiful and thankful through her pain! God WILL reward her for that and I will forever remember her for that! Those last few months were so hard on everybody but she was so courageous throughout it all.
this is her and her husband (pete's dad) below! such a fighter and such a wonderful mother
All the frustration made me just stop and look up to my ceiling for a few minutes, i listen to the lyrics of a song again and again
“And in my dreams, I meet the ghosts of all the people who have come and gone
Memories, they seem to show up so quick but they leave you far too soon” and then starts the sobbing. I miss her. I miss her so much. If you follow my blog you will have ready a while ago that my husband's Mom passed away a couple years ago! She had been fighting cancer for months and was doing so well, staying so strong. I was living with the family at the time of it all and i remember seeing her EVERY day. So positive even though life was negative, so brave when every other person was so weak… SHE was the brave one!So beautiful and thankful through her pain! God WILL reward her for that and I will forever remember her for that! Those last few months were so hard on everybody but she was so courageous throughout it all.
this is her and her husband (pete's dad) below! such a fighter and such a wonderful mother
I remember seeing her in the bathroom by the mirror, adding eyeshadow, maybe a pair of earrings. The little things she did reminding herself how beautiful she still was even without her hair. She was always smiling. Lately more than before I have been thinking about her. The things that she has missed. She was the one who would have been over the moon about peter proposing… we already had plans for the wedding even though we had no idea when it would be… she was so creative! Most creative and wise woman i ever met, SERIOUSLY, you have no idea!After the engagement, on the way home that night i stopped and looked at pete… my heart was beating 15 times faster than my body could handle. He looked right back at me with those oh so kind eyes and said, what’s wrong… i bursted into salty tears of sadness. I told him i just wanted to phone his mom and show her how beautiful my ring was, tell her how proud i was of you and thank her for bringing up her son to be the amazing guy he has become… i couldn’t, not even a text, no nothing. Pete began to cry… we hugged and we cried (we cried a lot).
Since the engagement it has been such a testing time. While I plan my wedding without my mother in law, while i miss not being able to learn how to crochet and knit from HER… i will remember to rejoice in Jesus who SAVED her from the pain of this world. How much better of she is now, celebrating Jesus, hand in hand with the creator of our world! It brings me such peace.
So that is my sad blog for the night. I need to sleep as it is crazy o clock, I just had to get things off my mind. We can all be so good at bottling in what is going on, that we just explode. i need to master that a little more
So from a very frustrated, saddened but hopeful, sleepy photographer, goodnight and give your sadness to the Lord.
Since the engagement it has been such a testing time. While I plan my wedding without my mother in law, while i miss not being able to learn how to crochet and knit from HER… i will remember to rejoice in Jesus who SAVED her from the pain of this world. How much better of she is now, celebrating Jesus, hand in hand with the creator of our world! It brings me such peace.
So that is my sad blog for the night. I need to sleep as it is crazy o clock, I just had to get things off my mind. We can all be so good at bottling in what is going on, that we just explode. i need to master that a little more
So from a very frustrated, saddened but hopeful, sleepy photographer, goodnight and give your sadness to the Lord.