"In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord."
Intro...
My entire pregnancy was honestly very easy and smooth. Which I am so thankful for after how long it took for us to get pregnant! I didn't have too many aches and pains until the very end, no morning sickness, just a small appetite and car sick feeling. I am blessed to have had it easy in that regard and thank God for that! I stayed more active than I thought I would which I'm proud of myself for doing thanks to fertility treatments for encouraging me to stay healthy and active! I had an anterior placenta which made feeling him move quite difficult and it wasn't until around 23/24 weeks that I actually felt him move. I remember those first months feeling so very terrified that I wouldn't be able to carry to term, so much fear that something bad would happen and that my body just wasn't strong enough. When you go through that long with your body failing month after month, year after year you begin to wonder if your broken and that's exactly how I felt. I felt as if it was a brief thing that would be ripped from my hands. I also remember feeling so isolated with guilt that it happened to me and not others I knew who wanted the same thing so very badly. I felt so undeserving and it was so difficult the first trimester. I was terrified that every ultrasound would end badly... we were so used to bad news at this point. But God was so good and kept our angel baby safe the entire pregnancy. We will be forever thankful!
The Birth...
We got back from the appointment around lunchtime and I was feeling pretty yuck. Super on and off crampy like a period but nothing we could time and nothing at all severe that indicated labor beginning. We just chilled that day and watched tv- I couldn't even bring myself to go for a walk that day because of how I felt until we realized we had no bread for toast in the morning HAHA! So we decided to walk to the nearest gas station which ended up being a good 3o minute walk so that was good. I remember joking with Pete how funny it would be if I went into labor after this trip to the gas station. But we were pretty convinced that wouldn't happen at this point.
We had dinner and headed to bed super early to get lots of rest in prep for induction the next day. I climbed into bed at 9pm and woke at 10:20pm with an upset stomach so went to the bathroom thinking maybe i just had a full bladder. I got back into bed and couldn't lie down the pain was so bad, so I got up and it was still there. It passed within a minute and I felt fine again... I woke up Pete and told him how I felt and wondered if it was a contraction. We really had no idea what to expect. It wasn't really something we could time until it happened again about 5 minutes later. It was an excruciating sharp cramp that stopped me in my tracks- I just stood still because I had trouble moving around during it. So finally I told Pete to get my app and start tracking it. I ran myself a bath to try and relax and see if it would go away. Pete continued to track and sat with me in the bathroom as i was afraid. These were definitely contractions and I could still feel them in the bath. They were lasting 30-60 seconds and coming between 3 and 5 minutes so not super consistent yet but painful!
After the bath, we called the on call midwife at the birthing center and explained that I had my membranes swept earlier that day but that I was having what we thought might be contractions. She explained that its normal to feel very crampy and uncomfortable after a membrane sweep which made us question if these were really contractions. We briefly went over birth plan and explained we wanted to do things as natural as we could with as little medical interventions as we could- she suggested we stayed home and wait it out till the contractions were more consistent unless my water broke or I began bleeding, that way I could be at home and eat still without being hooked up to monitors etc. So I told Peter to go back to sleep for a few hours and I headed downstairs to watch some hallmark movies to distract myself. I felt oddly normal in between contractions but then one would come and it was killer! Ugh... it was bizarre. I made myself oatmeal and toast and tried to rest without falling asleep. I wanted so desperately to just shut my eyes and rest but every 3/4 minutes I was getting a contraction so it was impossible! At 4:30am I was beginning to get very uncomfortable and decided to take another bath and then wake up Pete. We planned on trying to head into the hospital earlier but ended up not arriving till a bit after our scheduled time!
I grabbed another bowl of oatmeal, a water and we headed out the door with all our bags. Such a surreal feeling walking out the door knowing when we came back we'd have our baby with us. Roads were clear and we had my worship playlist playing as I tried not to tear up at what was a about to happen. I was mostly excited, not as nervous. I was also happy my contractions had started on their own. It sounds silly but I was really hoping to have contractions on my own and experience everything that went with childbirth.
It took a while to get everything going so I watched a tiny bit of Dad's Army (old british show) and tried to relax between contractions. My sister happened to request her personal days starting that day so she planned on arriving at 11am and my Mum around 12. We started pitocin around 10:45am and it didn't take too long before I could feel much more intense contractions. I was glad i had asked my Mum to come earlier because it was all getting intense very fast. At around noon I was 4cm and the midwife suggested taking a shower to try and relax (also ice chips were amazing to crunch on, helped to chill me out). She told me she would make me her special mocktail drink and came back with a yummy sprite and cranberry drink for me to sip while in the shower. The shower was significantly harder than I thought it would be. Peter, my Mum and my sister all took turns to help me in there- bless them!
Once I got out of the shower I got an intense contraction and the midwife came over and just hugged me tightly and swayed with me as I worked through it. She was so brilliant with me and encouraged me the worst of the contraction was almost over. She gave me strength when I felt weak! She said I could try using a birthing ball or different parts of the bed but honestly I couldn't even move during the contraction... I just stomped my feet super hard through most of the contractions and really tried to work on my breathing I had learned on a hypnobirthing video. It definitely helped keep me somewhat calm. I think it was around 2 or so they checked and I was a 6. The pain was becoming unbearable.
Getting Closer to meeting our miracle...
I was now 8cm and feeling i was going to die each contraction, they were just so constant and i felt I had no chance to catch my breathe or get a break. This is when the midwife broke my waters. Peter was such a hero that day... he was calm, kind, attentive and so strong for me! He treated me so well and made me feel like i was really doing well. My Mum and sister helped me so much too! I am so glad they were there coaching me.
The midwife had told me to get her if i felt any kind of pressure or need to push.
Shortly before 5oclock, I told the nurse to quickly get the midwife because I felt like something needed to be pushed... I think it was the pressure of him, I wasn't sure but knew i was in a different and perhaps the final stage of my labor. I was so afraid, not knowing what would happen next. The urge to push was unreal and strong. The midwife was in the room within a few minutes it seemed with a team of other nurses and staff. I was pretty out of it and had my eyes closed most of the time trying to focus but I do remember the midwife gowning up and getting the bed prepped differently. She checked me and I was now a 9 and told her I felt i had to push. Within 5 minutes or so I had progressed to a 10 and she said I could properly start pushing. She had me hold onto my legs and had my Mum and Peter supporting each leg. Every push was overwhelming and I legitimately felt I was going to die each time... it was such an immense pressure and feeling that I needed to get out but I couldn't. So bizarre!
10 minutes of pushing later and my baby boy Finley was born and placed immediately on my tummy. I remember being in a complete state of shock and I could barely see him. They quickly gave me oxygen which Pete and my sister helped to hold in place. I felt I couldn't breathe and was very confused what had happened. How did my body just do this?! Was that my baby crying? Tears running down my face, I took a look at him... in complete aww at what my body had just done! This was it. This was the moment Peter and I had been praying for and hoping for! He was here... our baby was here, on my belly.
I tear up so much when I think back to this day which was exactly one week ago (HAPPY 1 WEEK BIRTHDAY FINN) it all felt like it happened so quick.
Bethany Joy xx